Success depends less on strength of body than upon strength of mind and character. Arnold Palmer, 52. Don Adams, Theres an old saying in golf that when the wind blows the men are separated from the boys. Did you hear about the claustrophobic astronaut? Required fields are marked *. A two-foot putt on the practice green doesnt spark many doubts. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. How about you bring two of your friends and we play a foursome? Tiger Woods can drive a ball three hundred yards! My shaft is bent. That round was so poor, I think Im going to jump into the lake by the 16th and drown myself, I honestly doubt that. Relate what your buddy said after a five-putt, the joke your grandfather made about the ballwasher or your golf junkie pal's philosophy about the parallel between golf and life. Your email address will not be published. Your email address will not be published. Steve Bann, Theres a reason why golfers walk forward to their next shot. I love the contrast between the agony of a golfer bleeding out and the ecstasy of a moment of creative genius. He sat down next to a beautiful blonde. Your butt reminds me of St Andrews.. Hard and Firm. Enjoy! "I'll kiss you on the rain so you get twice as wet". How about you be my caddy and wash my balls tonight? "Golf is the most fun you can have without taking your clothes off.". Why dont skeletons play golf? Correct one fault at a time. 4. But dont take it from us, check out the funny golf quotes below and enjoy a laugh or two. Originally posted by raffa nunyez. I stepped on a rake. Henny Youngman in a high-pitched voice. Why are there 18 holes on a golf course? Pick the quote from here which describes your inner thought. Why didnt the golfer finish his homework? The technical storage or access is required to create user profiles to send advertising, or to track the user on a website or across several websites for similar marketing purposes. "If you break 100, watch your golf. He attacks it. Pretty is as pretty does. Harvey Penick, 61. I bet that hurts a whole lot worse than tennis elbow?. I stepped on a rake.". Achieve more with each and every round you play.Go Premium to et full access to our most advanced on-course and improvement features. Tiagra. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional Full Text: My windows aren't dirty, that's just my dog's nose art! Keep smiling and join us on Social, we'd love to have you over. Dirt your body. 6. "The most important shot in golf is the next one." - Ben Hogan "I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators." - Gerald R. Ford "The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest cart never has to play the bad lie." - Mickey Mantle "To find a man's true character, play golf with him." - P.G. Whats the difference between a golf ball and a car? -Bob Hope 3 of 10. I never learned anything from a match that I won. Bobby Jones, 62. Michael Connelly, The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. Without trust, it feels like you and your golf club are on opposite sides of a tug-of-war. Dr. Joseph Parent, 9. USE OF AND/OR REGISTRATION ON ANY PORTION OF THIS SITE CONSTITUTES ACCEPTANCE OF OURVISITOR AGREEMENT(UPDATED 1/6/23),PRIVACY AND COOKIES NOTICE(UPDATED 1/4/23) ANDCALIFORNIA PRIVACY NOTICE. Jokes4us.com Privacy Policy, submissons by: az11107, jemallor, 21ob, dudedudester1, racke78, mcsheehy54, konczalangelia, fourq2. 3. PG Wodehouse. You have a nice stroke, but your follow through leaves a lot to be desired. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Go to the golf course. Gardner Dickinson, Golf, like the measles, should be caught young, for, if postponed to riper years, the results may be serious. Jack Benny, The only thing a golfer needs is more daylight. J.R. Rim, Till saints and angels hymn forevermore / The miracle of your astounding score / And He who keeps all players in His sight / Walking the royal and ancient hills of light / Standing benignant at the eighteenth hole / To everlasting Golf consigns your soul. Where do ghosts play golf in the afterlife? Golfing is like masturbation, sex, or pooping?! My drives aren't always long and straight. Mickey Mantle, Competitive golf is played mainly on a five-and-a-half-inch course the space between your ears. That's why I'm hoping you, Bleacher Report readers, will add some of your own content in the comments. ~ George Bernard Shaw. You will find the quotes being used everywhere, coming from ordinary people like us, who are just famous. Golf is like doing your taxes. The next minute youre hemorrhaging. They say golf is like life, but dont believe them. Ben Hogan, And theres many neat cottages with gardens very nice / And picturesque villas, which can be rented at a reasonable price / Besides, theres a golf course for those that such a game seeks / Which would prove a great attraction to the knights of clubs and cleeks. Confidence is the most important single factor in this game, and no matter how great your natural talent, there is only one way to obtain and sustain it: work. Jack Nicklaus, 3. Please accept the terms of our newsletter. Where can you find a golfer on a Saturday night? course sometime. Why don't golfers in England work in the afternoon? A shot that goes in the cup is pure luck, but a shot to within two feet of the flag is skill. Ben Hogan, 5. I'm a bit tired, so can we just play your backside tonight? Your email address will not be published. Like chess, golf is a game that is forever challenging but can never be conquered. Harvey Penick, 10. Besides that, I love to explore. What do you call a blonde at a golf course? Instead of worrying about making a fool of yourself in front of a crowd of 4 or 40,000, forget about how your swing may look and concentrate instead on where you want the ball to go. No matter what you shoot the next day you have to go back to the first tee and begin again and make yourself into something. Jim Murray. Funny common dirty golf pictures meme Matching search results: #8: I never had one thought all week. You swing left and the ball goes right. Important advice: if you golf during the election, make sure you cast your absent-tee ballot! Bobby Darnel, If you want to hook a ball turn both hands toward the right side on the grip or shaft. We use cookies to ensure that we give you the best experience on our website. Because you coming back to my hotel is the only fair way for this evening to go. What does a woman do with her asshole before sex? Spice things up with these dirty golf jokes. Andy. There are no absolutes in golf. They have a hard drive. Whats a golfers favorite nightlife activity? ~ Sijin Bt. I wanna take out your golf clubs and score a HOLE in 1. Sex and golf are the two things you can enjoy even if youre not good at them. Roy Tin Cup McAvoy, the greatest that never was. I smile at obstacles. Tiger Woods, 13. Her husband thought that this was a riot and laughing said, Right train, wrong ticket., The wife failed to see the humor and not cracking a smile replied, No sleeper cars on that train either, Best Dad Jokes - the Good, the Bad, the Terrible, Fun Game: Jokes and Riddles Conversation Starters. 6. Because it would interrupt their tea time. See more ideas about golf humor, golf, humor. A Jew, a Catholic and a Mormon are having drinks at the bar after an interfaith convention. Of course, after painting the Mona Lisa, you'll likely soon be back to bleeding. Hold your 2-iron in the air, because not even God can hit a 2-iron. Roarin' Mcllroy Why do golfers put minus signs in front of their scores? The harder you practice, the luckier you get. Gary Player, 32. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges for optional shelf-sitting. -Bobby Jones Geoff Shackelford, Golf sits in that beautiful junction between perfection and frustration. We have compiled the best list of pick up lines with references to golf style, golf clubs, golf course, and various famous golf celebrity. Just as in life, you are presented with options; its up to you to decide which ones suit you best. Sandra Haynie, 30. Knock, knock He doesnt hit the ball very far, but it goes straight. What do you call Jessica Alba joining you and your buddies for a round of golf? Lansky's quote is funny because, well, as golfers we're all a little bit masochistic. See more ideas about golf quotes funny, golf, golf quotes. -Happy Gilmore. Nothing. Leslie Nielsen, Mini-golf is a lot like life. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact a 7-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Jack Benny. If you break 80, watch your business.". Dave Barry, Golf is the only game I know where you call a foul on yourself. Ben Hogan, I dont play golf to feel bad, I play bad golf, but I feel good. Learn More. The guys who come It can be difficult. These are results of some deep thoughts and observations from their lives and are like our lives because we are all human. Get a Free Golf Handicap in the 18Birdies App. Ted Ray, I started watching golf for the first time yesterday. Well, I bet that these Knock Knock Golf Jokes can knock you up in the ground laughing! Joe Tessitore, The least thing upset him on the links. Sick of the same tired old golf puns and gags? On the final hole, the match was all even and one of the wives had a long, breaking, fifteen-foot putt to win the match. The worst club in my bag is my brain. Chris Perry, 42. Draw a mental image of where you want it to go and then eliminate everything else from your mind, except how you are going to get the ball into that preferred spot. Sam Snead, 46. Wodehouse, Golf is Not a great sport. Features: Size: 3.5x10 inches Made from solid knotty pine Routed slot in back for hanging plus flat edges Full Text: Please do not drop your cigarette butts on the ground. However, it's been poisoned for me by the fact that it was often relayed to customers at a golf course I worked at by an overweight 90-year-old man while I awkwardly feigned amusement in repeated moments of shared weirdness. They dont have the heart for it. I tell it that this isnt going to hurt a bit. Jim Bishop, I had a wonderful experience on the golf course today. Youre shooting for the green, and yet, in the end you find yourself in the hole. Which course gives Tiger Woods the most trouble? I derive a great deal of pleasure from it, but it is disgusting to watch. Don't dirt your soul. After several minutes of pondering how to hit the shot, the old man says, You know, when I was your age, Id hit the ball right over that tree. With the challenge before him, the young man swings hard, hits the ball, watches it fly into the branches, rattle around, and land with a thud a foot from where it had started. From the moment I saw you, I've had a vertical shaft angle. Drop some in the comments! Please read here for more information. nay I my child, and eke, oh! Mike was still deep in his routine, seemingly impervious to the interruption. Golf turns outdoors into indoors, a prefab mat of stultified grass, processed, pesticided, herbicided, the pseudo-green of formica sterilityThe enemy of wildness, it is a demonstration of the absolute dominion of man over wild nature. Tahiti. We have a threesome, care to join us? ~ Victor Hugo. Why is Hearts a golfers worst card game? Phyllis Diller, with her outrageous teased hair and housewife caricature stage persona, was a master of delivery and comedic timing. Share these images with quotes about funny golf with family, friends, mates, colleagues, and all your acquaintances. 9. 4. 1. I, with my lovely Wishian team, gather the expressions, sort them out, organize them with suitable background images, and serve them to you. Your second mental problem is concentration. The pressure originates in yourself; it builds from doubts. Mark Twain, The average golfer doesnt play golf. 2. What do you do after a round of 18 on a hot sunny day? 56 Golf Pick Up Lines Many golfing terms sound naughty. The technical storage or access is strictly necessary for the legitimate purpose of enabling the use of a specific service explicitly requested by the subscriber or user, or for the sole purpose of carrying out the transmission of a communication over an electronic communications network. How does a brunette keep her husband from a blond working at a golf course? I'm gonna pound you like I do these range balls. What does he do if you miss a putt?, Friend: Somersaults? I`m really worried about myself. Palmer, how do you make a 3 iron back up like that?, Mr. Palmer replied, Do you own a 3 iron?. No defenders, no game clock, no excuses. What do you getll a blonde at the driving range? Even though youre a little ashamed of what you have done, you know you will do it again. Required fields are marked *. Because if you aren't hurt, you're not really trying. Seeing the astonished look on her face, he calmly said, "Well, you said I I prayed that I would react well if I missed. Chi Chi Rodriguez, 44. At the golf corpse! I know I am getting better at golf because I am hitting fewer spectators. Gerald R. Ford, the 38th President of the United States and the first to admit a lack of talent on the links. Full Text: Are you hinting my apples aren't what they ought to be? See photos about 15 very funny (and occasionally inappropriate) golf memes from Golf Digest Because they might get a slice. And it matters how we go about attaining them. Family Game: Do you really know your Family? Dirty Golf Pick Up Lines; Dirty Music Pick Up Lines; Dirty Holiday Pick Up Lines; What did the golfer say to the hip hop dancer? I always said you have to be really smart or really dumb to play this game well. Why did the golfer have to change his socks? Yiha, you are already subscribed with this email :). Jay Griffiths, Golf without mistakes is like watching haircuts. Golf is the easiest game in the world. Its almost a law. If you think youre standing too close to the ball, make sure youve actually struck it with your club after swinging. A fan in the crowd said Mr. Discover the views of a person who feels the same way we do. This post may contain affiliate links. "Hockey is a sport for white men. What did the golfer say after performing yoga? Dont even putt. Big pupils lead to big scores. Joey Adams, A well-hit golf shot is a feeling that goes up the shaft, right through your hands, and into your heart. - Mickey Mantle. "Golf is the perfect thing to do on a Sunday because you spend more time praying on the course than if you went to church." brockoli117 on Reddit.com. Full Text: Thank you for still being my friend even though I only talk about my horse and I smell like a barn. Fore-get Me Nots. Talking to a golf ball won't do you any good, unless you do it while your opponent is teeing off. The only sure rule in golf is he who has the fastest golf cart never has to play the bad lie. Mickey Mantle, owner of one of the sweetest swings in baseball, not so much in golf. Why do golfers wear two pairs of pants? The most redundant thing on a golf course is a ball-washer on a hole with water hazards. Joe Posnanski, Over the years, Ive studied the habits of golfers. Andy who? Its to move on. They call it golf because all the other four letter words were taken. Ray Floyd, 41. Many of these expressions of life, result in taking the form of wishes, quotes, greetings, messages, and captions. Basketball is a sport for black men. "The difference in golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.". Ive got some real trouble down here., Don comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: Whats the matter, John? You may share any of these heartfelt photos with funny golf quotes without hesitation. I've been playing golf all day and would love to make you my 19th hoe. Quotes tagged as "golf" Showing 1-30 of 130. A hole in one of a kind model. now = new Date(); year = now.getYear(); Whos there? Ben Hogan, The golf swing has been endlessly analyzed, and yet it still remains a mystery. 7. 8. "It's good to see there is still some respect in the world." "Well, it's only right," the first golfer replies. Damn, girl. 53+ Funny Quotes by Famous People 2023 (laugh-out-loud! Americans infatuated with golf established country and golf clubs, built ornate clubhouses, laid out inland park courses, experimented with new types of equipment, and even modified time-honored rules. Robert Fuller Murray, I am relying on the theory that playing golf is just like riding a bike and that I havent forgotten how. Dirty Quotes For Him "You can stay but your clothes must go." "Let's make love, then have a h0t dirty time." "I promise to always be by your side. The lowest score wins. The greatest single lesson to be learned from golf is mental discipline. Louise Suggs, 51. No other game combines the wonder of nature with the discipline of sport in such carefully planned ways. What did Chamillionaire say when he came in a stroke under par? Dirty jokes tend to be of sexual nature, make use of coarse language and can be offensive. Noah. Lorii Myers, Golf is a game whose aim is to hit a very small ball into an ever smaller hole, with weapons singularly ill-designed for the purpose. John excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: Hey Don, come here. Hi there! Sir W.G. Unfortunately, it stopped three inches short of the hole dead on line. I Am Shuvo Saha. Lee Trevino. With the exception of the putter and the driver remember that you hit down on every other shot in golf. Hey, were you just promoted from Army captain because I'm always up for getting another major? "Golf appeals to the idiot in us and the child. Clubbing. If you don't take it seriously, it's no fun; if you do take it seriously, it breaks your heart." - Arthur Daley. You made an 11 on a Par 3 hole? She makes sure he practices having a stroke first to make sure he's handicapped when he meets a blond working at one. Obviously I'm a man that loves Gatorade and I'd definitely like to raid your gato. / They havent turned up, and I doubt if they will. So I thought I should start a website about jokes. Knock, knock "Your game is so bad you had to have your ball retriever re-gripped!" Babe Ruth once said, "It took me 17 years to get three thousand hits in baseball. It bends a little to the left. Or on top." "I have lovemaking with you a lot in my head." "Let's have a 'who's better in b3d' contest. Please sign up with your best email address. Or under. My swing is so bad, I look like a caveman killing his lunch. Golf Club Distance & Driving Distances for Women Golfers, Providing a Community & Womens Golf Resources, How to Build Consistency in Your Golf Game, Golf is Hard. You'll get wet outside and inside with these sexy quotes. Golf is a puzzle without an answer. Why did the golfer wear two pairs of pants? You are slightly ashamed of what you have done and worst of all you know it will "We learn so many things from golfhow to suffer, for instance.". For more great quotes on life, golf and from books and authors, check out this site and this site. Im a friend and all Im going to do is give it a nice little ride. Sam Snead, 35. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker. Do you know what the Lama says? A large pine tree sits in front of his ball, directly between it and the green. Why don't golfers ever eat pie? When I die, bury me on the golf course so my husband will visit. The great champions have all come back from defeat. Sam Snead. If everything was given to you, it wouldnt feel as good when you achieve it. Annika Sorenstam, 24. Bring some friends, and we can play a foursome. Lift your head and spread your legs. Being a thoughtful person, and a social being, I find it very amusing to explore people's thoughts, observations, and experiences. The technical storage or access that is used exclusively for anonymous statistical purposes. There are three ways to improve your golf game: take lessons, practice constantly or start cheating. Toggle Navigation Menu . Because subtraction speaks louder than words. Sawdust City LLC. 2. If you want to share these funny golf quotes pictures on social media like Fb, Insta, WhatsApp, or Twitter, you can also do that. Hit the ball. A great shot is when you pull it off. Funny and dirty medical pick-up lines and doctor hook-up lines. Golf: a game where you yell fore, you get six, and you write five. 75 Funny Knock Knock Jokes 2023 to Make You Laugh. And he says, "Oh, uh, there won't be any money, but when you die, on your deathbed, you will receive total consciousness." Knock, knock Ben Hogan. Are you a water hazard? Full Text: The Most Important Things In Life Aren't Things Features: Size: 7x36 inches Made from solid knotty pine Beveled edges Routed slot in back for hanging. You may have heard these renowned quotes about funny golf before. I have 17 wives, one more and I will have a golf course!. They are the two things you can thoroughly enjoy even though you are really bad at them. 3. Do you know why the game is called golf? Wodehouse, A great golfers mtier is his or her golfing skill, coupled with the mastery of good sportsmanship, rendering him or her an ambassador for the sport. "I'm the best. Its not just enough to swing at the ball. Knock, knock I figured my local caddy knew this course a whole lot better than me, so I just put my hand out and played whatever club he put in it. The reason most politicians are golfers is that they lie better with more practice & experience. All lip, no hole. Golf Skirts & Golf Skorts Stylish, Fun & Comfortable. 20. He was puttering around. Funny Family Poems. And now it will be poisoned for you. Whos there? The cat crawls out at night to smoke them and we are trying to get him to quit. Just how childlike golf players become is proven by their frequent inability to count past five.". By stragetically placing fire hydrants. I am Jimmy, clown at heart. Robert Fuller Murray, Golf is a fascinating game. Nothing it should have ducked. What does a golfer do on his day off? Ben Hogan, I know I am getting better at golf because Im hitting fewer spectators. Because her coach was a pumpkin. Showing 1 to 56 of 56 entries Click me to show the form! Because I'm going to come after you aggressively and probably leave a ball mark. Their fore-fathers! First and foremost, you must have confidence. Achieve more with each and every round you play. If you can smoke and drink while youre doin it, its not a sport. Thats how long a Scotsman takes to finish a bottle of Scotch! And there are windmills. You get dirty, and besides, the pig likes it. Tommy Bolt, As golf conquered the United States in the decades preceding World War I, the British import took on new forms. 5. In case he gets a hole in one. Who taught Elin Nordegren to swing a golf club? Lighten up, golf is just a game after all. 4. How would you like to do something I won't do for anyone on the PGA tour? Watch their eyes. Playing golf is fun and exciting, but these Short Golf Jokes will make your game enjoyable. You hit down to make the ball go up. A guy will spend 10 minutes trying to find his lost golf ball. Why does the temperature on the course rise after a long tournament ends? What is a golfers favorite bird? Are you looking for some funny jokes? Man: Please dont go. If you break 80, watch your business. A young man with a few hours to spare one afternoon figures that if he hurries and plays very fast, he can get in nine holes before he has to head home. She lined the ball up carefully and confidently stroked the winning putt. Mulligans are the reason golf balls come three to a sleeve. putt." How about grabbing two of your friends so we can play a foursome? Please add a link to this site. "If you think it's hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.". There are no time constraints, as there are in other sports. Man: "Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass." A man got on a bus with both of his front pant pockets full of golf balls. Is your body a shot that comes up short on the 17th hole of the Old Course at St. Andrews because I can see it rolling around in the sand? How do you "Tiger" proof a golf course? How many does he do?, Man: Well, that depends on how hard I kick him in the ass.. "Golf is the closest game to the game we call life. 7. "There are two things you can do with your head down, play golf and pray." -Lee Trevino "Golf is my profession. "Of course I do, my dear -- it was the day I sank that thirty-foot A lot of Seniors love playing golf and also, they love jokes. Why are golf and sex so similar? I am a Musician. Billy Graham, Show me a man who is a good loser and Ill show you a man who is playing golf with his boss. A bad attitude is worse than a bad swing. Payne Stewart, 48. Bobby Jones, Although golf was originally restricted to wealthy, overweight Protestants, today its open to anybody who owns hideous clothing. I give him the driver. I just finished a round of golf, wanna be my 19th hole today? A bad hole wont get you a slap across the face when you play golf. Drops him off at the golf course! How many golfers does it take to change a lightbulb? Sam Snead, Golf is played by twenty million mature American men whose wives think they are out having fun. "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes out his balls and kisses them. Why are computers such naturally good golfers? Robert Fuller Murray, Be a mind beater-not a ball beater. Say what you want about the other sports, none of them hold a candle to golf when it comes to inspirational and downright funny quotes. He always puts his driver in the wrong bag.