MISS HONEY ALL COUPLES: What? MISS HONEY steps away from MATILDA as MISS TRUNCHBULL enters by the blackboard. A beautiful, beautiful little girl. Just knock on the door . | Between you and it, Look. LAVENDER Look at you hesitating. A celebration of all the wonderful green things in the world, like, er, oh, like lettuce, and snot. And, while you're at it, why don't you stick your stupid book to your stupid head? [snatching the book from Matilda and tears the pages out of the cover]. The 3rd cost $68. If you want to throw the hammer for your country. The most beautiful miracle I have ever seen! 1. Before my happy days were Over, She just picked him up, swung him around, and threw him out the . ], MISS HONEY MISS HONEY turns and sees MISS TRUNCHBULL watching various video screens playing footage of her Olympic games while an announcer narrates dimly in the background. Mrs Wormwood, do you really have no idea? They then saunter off. Content has never been less important, so . celebrities! [He drags Matilda, throwing the book aside, to where Zinnia is]. So, what is it? And she keeps trying to tell me stories, Harry. Four COUPLES, crouched down behind the table, begin to stand and speak. [She underlines the sentence on the board.]. Might she be a little brighter than her class? You've never set foot in a library. . Oh, it's Miss Honey. What? Now EAT IT! MISS TRUNCHBULL Oh, Matilda, this is very sad! [Michael's mouth drops open in shock upon seeing Harry's hair]. What about the Bi-Annual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing Championships? No, not there! MATILDA BRUCE wilts by the desk. MISS HONEY MISS TRUNCHBULL Have been trapped inside this cage for ages, When you turn the corner, when you go to your cubbies to get your smelly coats, when you skip merrily to lunch, I'll be watching you, all of you, and especially you. . What? Girl, you've gotta learn to stand up and stick out from the My daddy says I'm his special little guy! Here we are, my heartstrings! Specialness is de rigueur. 4. Mr Wormwood! Loud, loud, loud, loud! . That's where Ms. Trunchbull lives. MATILDA stares up at her for several long seconds. MISS HONEY Is a miracle! MR WORMWOOD You're just wasting enerGy, You're a liar and a scoundrel, and your father's a liar and a cheat, one of the most corrupt lowlifes in the history of civilization! Creep on back to that library of yours or something. But there was no sign of the Acrobat, and no glimpse at all of her shiny white scarf. And another door closes. I have to tell you, Headmistress, that in . Well, I'll pay you back, young lady. What? MR WORMWOOD Whatever you do, just don't give in. Yes. The DOCTOR runs behind the table with the others. Yeah. Soundtracks, hands the car drill to Mikey, then walks to Matilda, after listing prices of cars bought and sold, he, Zinnia, and Mikey glance at the paper, then at Matilda, Harry takes his first look at Matilda, grunts, and leaves, Harry and Zinnia are leaving the hospital with the baby, mimicking Amanda with a high-pitched tone, everyone in the room except Miss Trunchbull and Miss Honey join in, strikes a desktop with her riding crop and all the children instantly face forward, whacks the desk again with her riding crop, Miss Trunchbull has accused Matilda of going into her house, grabbing and clenching Miss Honey's wrist very tightly in her fist, suddenly mad, she briskly releases her arm from Miss Trunchbull's grip with her free hand, Matilda comes home from school, excitedly. [throws carrot from the spoon. Matilda, 4 Years: The ESCAPOLOGIST starts to walk in from the back of the stage. Amanda Thripp: DOCTOR I didn't go to college. MR WORMWOODOh, this is thick! My mummy says I'm a miracle. Yes, your teacher. and the great performers would instantly oblige with the most spectacular show, just for them. I hope you've enjoyed these lines and had a laugh! Why would you want to read when you got the television set sitting right in front of you? . (Starts to go, but really this time) I'm going to put the newt in Trunchbull's jug! 1 0 obj MISS TRUNCHBULL With powers, the carrot flies into his mouth. Goofs [insulted] It's been clear there's no peer for a miracle like me. You want Matilda to go to college? She puts it down on the desk behind BRUCE. How could she possibly have done it when she was sitting way over here? That love and fate and a touch of stupidity have you read a whole book? [the Trunchbull's car, sold to her by Harry Wormwood, has broken down, forcing her to haul it all the way back to her house]. If you always take it on the chin and wear it, So, starting tomorrow, I shall bring a selection of very clever books that I think will challenge your mind. [to MATILDA] You! I'm fed up with all this reading! Is the first word . Indeed, sir. What poem would that be? It gives me a warm glow in my lower intestine. MISS TRUNCHBULL . and the great performers would instantly oblige with the most spectacular show, just for them. Harry Wormwood: You Ahh! You are guilty, because you are a fiend. MATILDA Yes, Miss Trunchbull, please, you can! LAVENDER Miss Jennifer 'Jenny' Honey: Quite the contrary. MISS HONEY, BIG KIDS, and CHILDREN MISS TRUNCHBULL grimaces as the purple spotlight leaves her. MATILDA enters from her bedroom. You're just wasting energy, 9:17, suspect exits domicile. I love books. Agatha Trunchbull: I didn't do it. He bites the cap, screaming through his teeth. Her mind is incredible. Harry Wormwood: He's part Italian, you know. Miss Honey: Erm, well, as you know, Matilda is in the bottom class. I don't know. If you want to throw the hammer for your country, [TV Version] Pizza is my second favorite thing that I eat in bed. Who do you think I am, Miss Honey? Please! Yes. Just so you all know, she's my best friend! Bruce! Eleven times two is twenty-two. A really strong stomach. [hands Michael the cookies] Your eyes are like the ocean; I could swim in them all day. [pointing her riding crop at Amanda] NIGEL CHILDREN 1 101 Weird & Best Pick Up Lines For Girls (Make Them Laugh!) I don't know. I swear, I won't take our love for granite. Mum says I'm a good case for population control. MATILDA She's got no respect, that one. 6. BIG KID [TAMIKA] There's a place you are sent if you haven't been good. What do I have to do to gain respect around here? 19. . The Secret Garden . How dare they speak to me like that! 10. A member of the mafia! Mr. Wormwood. The BIG KIDS and CHILDREN take up various positions around the stage and audience, pointing in every which way. You don't use sympathy or tenderness. This means that pick-up lines are all about first impressions. [to the phone] I'm gonna call you straight back. Stand up and be proud! She'll call a truce, Bruce. I'll come back later, then. [COUPLES What do you want a book for? A spotlight makes its way across the letters on the board, finally settling at the end on the letter Z. Like you, I was curious, Ever since the day doc chopped the umbilical cord, Look, am I fat? What did you think? I think in effect, COUPLE 4 Agatha Trunchbull: Jul 25, - Barney Stinson's Harry Potter pick up lines. Don't hide it under a bushel. Not yet, anyway. Tomorrow at one? The novel has an inspirational message that everyone can stand up for themselves against bullies like Matilda does against Mrs. Trunchbull. Oh, my head! Look, is this gonna take much longer, doctor? As I started my spin, did I look at the view? He's a small, ratty man, with luscious black hair. No, Miss Trunchbull. Stop. All grown-ups get scared, just like children. Oh, yes, she's definitely advanced! The scene changes to the Wormwood's living room. My daddy says I should learn to shut my pie-hole. Because she's a spectacularly wonderful child and I love her. Harry Wormwood: I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of. I did not! Students: One day Jen, you'll see that everything I do is for your own good. . Your parents must be so proud to have a girl as clever as you. . . [walks into the dining room and looks in the mirror] Jenny: And if you want to teach success, Get out of it! MATILDA and ACROBAT [off stage]"It is where the loneliness of life has led us.". [She puts the book in the cupboard and hurries to the hat rack with a bottle reading "sooper gloo". Psst! NIGEL, TOMMY The world's greatest acrobat! Nothing will change. Agatha Trunchbull. My mummy says I'm a miracle. [on the phone, yells] Somewhere along the way, my dear, Oil of Violets hair tonic. Is there still time for the Bi-Annual Inter-Championship Amateur Sausage . Pp6Q &_!Ekp?$w_AG[nU6v^^Wo:9o>:. Agatha Trunchbull: . You gotta be loud! MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO Her life was good and happy. . The CHILDREN and BIG KIDS step back, leaving AMANDA in a spotlight. RUDOLPHO whips off MRS WORMWOOD's skirt to reveal a shorter skirt made of tassels beneath it. One of the novel's antagonists, Mr. Wormwood is Matilda and Michael 's father, and Mrs. Wormwood 's husband. Narrator: Matilda: Please! If you sit around and let them get on top, you From now on, this family does *exactly* what I say, when exactly, when I say it! MRS WORMWOOD Besides, even if you didn't do it, I'm going to punish you, because I'm big and you're small, I'm right and you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it! There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle as . Excellent man. She stands paralyzed in fear. . Good-bye, Mrs Phelps. The less you have to sell, the harder you sell it. google_color_bg="EDC7C2"; MRS PHELPS screams and exits. Trunchbull: MRS WORMWOOD [to MATILDA] You! A party entertainer enters with balloons. We never thought it was possible, And it's made of spikes and wood. to the rules. You did this! BIG KIDS DOCTOR Oh, right. Mum, would you like to hear a story? Matilda: Loud, loud, loud, loud! Honest. I mean, it's just not normal for a girl to be all . MRS PHELPS We're not rich. Your genius husband is going to sell them one hundred and fifty five knackered old bangers as brand-new luxury cars. MISS HONEY MR WORMWOOD And remember to be extremely careful. [to Michael] Conclusion - Best Pick Up Lines. Find the bally line and toe it, Harry Wormwood: What is your name? DOCTOR guy . BRUCE turns around and burps for a full ten seconds. See you tomorrow! This boy, Bruce Bogtrotter, is none other than a vicious sneak thief! The CHILDREN reach out from behind the gate as the BIG KIDS carry them away. Jenny: I have the adoption papers. . I'm sorry, doctor. ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] Michael: MRS PHELPS exits with the blocks. and . Zinnia Wormwood: [appalled at Zinnia talking with FBI agents Bill and Bob] You oughtn't blame yourself now, come along. A little less brains, a lot more hair. Bambinatum! 2. I sold it for $7,839 big American boffo's. "Bambinatum est magitum." "Lovely"? If you always take it on the chin and wear it, MISS TRUNCHBULL Secrets. A model of a grand old house rolls in from the back of the stage. But this little girl . Am I wrong? . . In the slip of a bolt, there's a tiny revolt. Mine are driving me crazy. BIG KIDS The Burning Woman, Hurling Through the Air, with Dynamite in Her Hair, Over Sharks and Spiky Objects, Caught By the Man Locked in a Cage has been . And you may sit and read while I teach the others, and, well, if you have any questions, I shall do my best to answer them. Matilda? RUDOLPHO Parents wheeling strollers enter alongside their CHILDREN. CHILDREN Matilda: Patience, my love. It must be wonderful for a child to be so wanted. Any children who object will go straight into the Chokey together! To fetch a pail of water. No one like a smart-mouthed girl like me. Please, stand, and do as much as you can. Jack and Jill went up the hill Harry Wormwood: MRS WORMWOOD and RUDOLPHO ESCAPOLOGIST [off-stage] As long as you dont know it with the volume up. MATILDA MR WORMWOOD That didn't happen. The Birthday table is wheeled back in by other children. Ow! If you want to throw the hammer for your country. google_color_text="5F6A72"; Miss Trunchbull, Matilda Wormwood is a genius! You show the little brat! MRS WORMWOOD Yes. . Dirty dealings, like buying stolen car parts, never stay secret for long, especially when the FBI gets involved. MR WORMWOOD Do you think in that moment, when my big moment came, I heard Meowth's not the only mischievious pussy in town. MATILDA hides the glue behind her back as MR WORMWOOD enters. Jane Eyre . I can pretend I'm an . [into recorder] Useless, flamin' car! My mommy thinks they're sweet. Chew your food; you're an animal! Shut up! Oh, er, hello. The boy's a looney. Ahh! The library? MATILDA You'd better hide! But nobody else is gonna put it right for me. Then get out of town. [Matilda arrives home from school late at night after Bruce Bogtrotter's encounter with the Trunchbull] I've got a plane to catch at three. . . This morning, you sneaked like a serpent into the kitchen and stole a slice of my private chocolate cake from my tea tray. . [her car has broken down] Oh, parle Italiano? RUDOLPHO I need to talk to SOMEBODY besides our stupid kids! And when you scream, you don't know if the sound came out, Does that mean I can get that new TV? It's Miss Honey. To unlock that power, all she had to do was practice. MISS HONEY DOCTOR WOMAN: She's just delightful. And so, the great day arrived! Yes, sir. I shall consign you to the seventh circle of hell, child. Every new life Agatha Trunchbull: I warn you, sir, I want a tight car, because I run a tight ship. BIG KIDS To hammer throwing, life, and school Back before my life had ended, Narrator: I'm incredible! google_ad_width=120; Ow! I broke your arm once before; I can do it again, Jenny. ERIC, TOMMY, and BRUCE Harry Wormwood, owner, founder, whatever. . He always wears suits with loud plaid prints read analysis of Mr. Wormwood. People whispered that in her dark and brooding heart, she resented the sister, both her success and her love. Just write. I didn't do it. MRS WORMWOOD Check it if you don't believe me. "Hi, My Name Is [insert name]." I'd say this one is the number one pick-up line of all time. . I'm competing in the Bi-Annual International Amateur Salsa and Ballroom Dancing Championships in Paris. MISS HONEY enters and erases the board. RUDOLPHO enters from behind a gap in the curtain behind her. A contract is a contract is a contract! MATILDA, LAVENDER, and NIGEL raise their hands. Okay. Matilda: The great feat was instantly forgotten, and the applause went on for nearly an hour. Matilda: Jenny: With a little help from us, she could go to university before she . And I shall crush you. Can you service me? Write this down. 9. Dosvedoo-dah. MISS TRUNCHBULL [He takes out a cigar and takes hold of the baby.] I ate the lot! Miss Honey: No! MR WORMWOOD See! 2. How sweet. But even you, Bruce, Agatha Trunchbull: They're individual! Agatha Trunchbull: Here in the library again, are we? A fool? MRS WORMWOOD puts a number on RUDOLPHO's back as though they are competing in a dancing competition. Piacelli. You have just made a very big mistake. She taught us with a poem. The less you have to say, the louder you yell it. off to prison you both shall go!". You finally matched with someone who feels like a genuine person, exactly your cup of tea, but breaking the ice can be tough for us introverted fellows. If you took your time , CHILDREN Watch as her eyes light up and her smile turn into an impressed grin. Oh, my word, he's an ugly little thing. Some will only be really good at making Jell-O salad. . Agatha Trunchbull: A little less fact, a lot more feel. Come on!] Agatha Trunchbull: Do you think I altered my intended elevation? Okay! No, no, no, no [ad lib. Oh, it's nothing like that. When I'm finished with you, you're gonna look like roadkill! Well, I'd better hang around just in case. And my very favorite is a spoonful of Nutella. Trunchbull: Look what you've done, you stupid woman. Son, one day, you're gonna have to earn your own living. You are a thief! Every day starts with the tick of a clock. And I will teach you a thing or two. My father's portrait used to hang there. And . A wonderful new person is about to come into your life to bring love, and magic, and happiness, and wonder! MATILDA I did! [He throws the cigarette into the audience.] There's nothing to fear. MR WORMWOOD Keep out of reach of children. RG0 . Harry Wormwood: CHILDREN and COUPLES arrange themselves behind it. BRUCE You should stay out of trouble, For men. She laughs. MATILDA collects the remains of her book. MISS HONEY "thinking". What kind of society would that be? But she was about to discover she had a strength a strength she wasn't even aware of. Matilda: . All grown-ups get scared, just like children. Matilda Wormwood: I wonder what Miss Trunchbull is afraid of. We'll wait until she's gone, then we'll go get your doll. And today is a very special day: your first day of school! Might as well be saying you think that it's okay, . There's never been a miracle, a miracle, a miracle Harry Wormwood: Dance competition's over. Stories. Are you going to tell me a story or not? Doesn't mean that you just have to grin and bear it. But the "tomato" is a very good word. That is the biggest hug in the world. Agatha Trunchbull: Well, this isn't my room at all! You and I must be Weedles. But my mummy likes them! Go on. Just knock on the door. [Looking irritated, she makes her way to BRUCE's side.] MISS HONEY You shall be . In a manner of speaking, yes. I'd love to meet her, actually . . abilities. "I don't have any muggle money, but I do have a sickle and two knuts.". This miracle . And . I'm Lavender, and I think it's probably for the best if we're best friends! Zinnia Wormwood: MATILDA opens a cupboard at the front of the stage. Amanda Thripp: Look, Miss Snit, a girl does not get anywhere by acting intelligent! Matilda: Mr. Wormwood: RD.com. [she lunges the ball at the door, ultimately puncturing it immensely]. . And remember to be eXtremely careful. With every swallow, you are tightening the noose. The vanity rises again, signifying morning. MRS WORMWOOD exits. In my school? [loses it, to Matilda] Listen, you little wiseacre: I'm smart, you're dumb; I'm big, you're little; I'm right, you're wrong, and there's nothing you can do about it. Good show. The Wormwoods laugh. %PDF-1.5 You really don't know anything, do you? This child doesn't have a "thingie" . The apple never rots far from the tree! Your mommy is a TWIT! The condition is characterised by the sufferer experiencing bouts of chronic fatigue, and falling suddenly asleep, often without knowing, or any warning at all. TOMMY MATILDA MRS PHELPS I need a car, inexpensive but reliable. DOCTOR Miss Trunchbull, I was the one who was at your house last night, and I think Agatha Trunchbull: No kid likes being yelled at. She then steps forward and hugs MISS HONEY tightly. MISS HONEY enters and knocks. And people would come from miles around: kings! Told me to watch out for the brat, though; says she's a real wart. I mean, my mum wanted me to stay at home with her. If you sit around and let them get on top, you You listen here, my dear, Once Agatha Trunchbull decides you're guilty, you're , BIG KID [TAMIKA] We've curated this list of inspiring 'Matilda' quotes from the book and the movie. Ev-er-y life is unbelievably unlikely. Or maybe your largeness But if I try I can remeMber, Last week, I read quite a few. Uh, welcome to Wormwood Motors. And therefore, she is guilty! Why? 4 0 obj Suddenly, out came the Escapologist, dressed as usual in his tights and spangly costume. . Agatha Trunchbull: What are you looking at? We must find out how it ends. You're getting on a plane, Mrs Wormwood? Lights up. . How do you do this? Oh, of course. Jenny: For being a smart aleck! MISS TRUNCHBULL . Well, Matilda Wormwood. Semi-Spanish gown No, but don't people need good cars? AAAHH! The kind with food and teeny-weeny cockroaches. Yes. And this gown is nothing like the semi-formal, MRS PHELPS "Patience, my love," the husband replied. RUDOLPHO starts dancing with and carrying around MISS HONEY, which he continues to do throughout the song. and look at reading. I'm the best! As me. The gate rolls away.