Dear Soldier, If youre having a rough day, remember the most important thing in life is to be yourself. A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. 38. Awesome page, I came out of the US Army in 92. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, Where are you from? St. 14. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. 64. When they come home, they get to leave their inlaws thousands of miles away. Two PFCs are walking down the street and one of them says, Oh look, a dead bird. The other PFC looks at the sky and says, Where? What should have been the day we chose to celebrate World Military Day? Airman: The worst was when the air conditioner broke in our tent and it was 110 degrees outside! The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. I was standing watch when an old, run-down freighter named Sagar Moti passed by. Officer: Soldier, do you have change for a dollar? Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? It was always selling out, and I could never keep it in stock. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. USAF Manual It is generally inadvisable to eject over the area you have just bombed, 6. You can see why: The cruiser opened up, shells furiously flying all around the drone but not hitting it. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. 'Never fly in the same cockpit. If you have a small child travelling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. Airline Club Lounge Paradise like kingdom guarded by dragon-like creatures, 59. What Do You Call a Soldier Who Survived Mustard Gas and Pepper Spray? For more information about us or joining the team, check out the About Us tab. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". The flight attendant on our trip was handing out plastic pilot wings to some kids. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. 27. I wouldnt set foot on any ship that intentionally sinks.. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. How tough? And you also make me nervous when you visit.. They cant seem to string three Ws together. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Pilot "Folks, we have reached our cruising altitude now, so I am going to switch the seat belt sign off. I was stationed in England with the Air Force when I went to a local barber. Dad got quiet. Theres a post recall and he has to go to work. When I enlisted in my teens, I took up smoking cigars to make myself look more mature. March forth! Joke #1 Ask the Army to secure a building and they will set up a perimeter around it and make sure nobody gets out. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. Military jokes! S | Reprogrammed Target Radar with the words. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. Are you near any landmarks that might help us locate you? the base operator asked him. During basic training at Fort Leavenworth, our sergeant asked if anyone had artistic abilities. You do know that he could get ill from the bacteria on the toilet. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. 6. In the 50s, I was a clerk typist at our base headquarters in Verdun, France. 39. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of Its important that soldiers learn from their mistakes; otherwise, theyre bound to repeat them at inopportune moments. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. Did you make it all by yourself? Around midnight, I noticed movement behind a bush. Had a new guy conduct a boom test on a howitzer by yelling Boom! down the tube in order to calibrate it When Is Military Appreciation Month? How can you tell if theres an Air Force pilot at the bar? Whats the difference between the Boys Scouts and the Army? Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. S | Almost replaced left inside main tire. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. An old Marine Sergeant was standing near the edge of the puddle with his fishing line in a puddle. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. Unfortunately, the experience usually comes from bad judgment. The controller while working a busy shift told a 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. On-time Departure Cabin doors closed 15 minutes before scheduled departure time Subsequent delays are irrelevant. Black said he jokes about getting a sense of what America thinks about its military by the movies that come out, and the only decent military movie in recent years, in his opinion, was "Top Gun . S | Auto land not installed on this aircraft. The Air Force will take out a five-year lease with an option to buy at the end. The Marines will kill everyone inside and then set up headquarters. Economy Class Conditions under which transportation of animals would constitute a criminal offence, 57. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. Our pilots FLY much better than they DRIVE so please remain seated until the captain finishes taxiing and brings the aircraft to a complete stop at the terminal, 13. Not to mention, when spending many hours deployed and away from home, telling jokes and connecting through humor is the best way to avoid the difficulty of real life. The program was halted when, after years of research and millions of dollars spent, the spy cat was run over by a cab. I will take the both of you for a ride. HubPages is a registered trademark of The Arena Platform, Inc. Other product and company names shown may be trademarks of their respective owners. Military 3. 100+ WW2 Trivia Questions For HistoryBuffs, 17 Military Personnel Talk About The Creepiest Thing Theyve Seen OnDuty, 100+ Scary Stories to Read in the Dark to Leave You With Chills[2021], A Writers Diary Entries From Mid-April,1986, 30 Spooky Paranormal Stories From Former MilitaryPersonnel, You might be in the Coast Guard if people have looked at you and said, The Coast Guard is part of the military?, You might be in the Coast Guard if your child points to the ship and says, Thats where my parent lives!, You might be a Coastie if you head an HH-65 and. Everything from puns to some sarcastic one-liners are included in the Army jokes below to crack on an Army member you know and love. Me: Hello? The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. [Answered]. 9. When a soldier came to the clinic where I work for an MRI, he was put into the machine by an attractive, young technician. aviation JOKES (random) Taxiing down the tarmac, the jetliner abruptly stopped, turned around and returned to the gate. Great jokes, Im an inactive Marine (58 years) but still get a kick out of this type of humor. All of a sudden, a lieutenant pulls up, hops out, and asks Is your car stuck sir?, The general climbs out, hands his keys over, and slides into the lieutenants car before saying, Nope. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. A military captain saying I was just thinking OHH OHOH! "Ah", the fighter pilot remarked "The dreaded Seven-Engine approach", 12. On previous visits, she noted that women customarily walked about 5 paces behind their husbands. Stay out of clouds. It took the poor guy all day. Rodrigues there? Why? I asked. She also liked her scotch. He was holding a toothbrush, which he proceeded to use to scrub underneath the rim of a toilet. We were an Air Force family, but our son could not grasp that fact. Return to Humor Index. See, Connor? he explained, pointing to the photo and then to the bear. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. He replied, When they stopped shooting at me.. Since this can be an extremely stressful job for the pilots and a boring ordeal for all you lovely passengers, we have carefully compiled this list of funny one-liners about pilots to keep your spirits up. The military may have invented the Internet, but not all government schemes have worked as well. An Airman, Soldier, and Marine are sitting around talking about hardships they faced on their last deployment. The Navy will turn out the lights and lock all the doors. After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. The good news: You got a bulls eye. Before my head could swell too much, he added, But it was in somebody elses target.. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . Semper Pie ", The student replied, "When I was number one for takeoff sir", 51. "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. The only time you have too much fuel is when you are on fire, 47. What did the Navy dentist put on his license plate? Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Known to bicker and make fun of each other often, its likely that those in the military have a good sense of humor. Students are great about sending our troops letters, and the troops love em. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. They sure grow up fast, dont they?. Browse the list below to find a funny joke to tell one of your buddies. Ocean Pearl, I answered. 30. Recently, a neighbor turned 100, and a big birthday party was thrown. If you have a military joke you think our readers would like then send it to military_jokes@strategyworld.com. As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. Both have been racing sled dogs for decades. Even if you arent in the military yourself, try reading some of these out loud to someone you know in a particular branch and watch as their face lights up. Caller: Is Sgt. WARNING: Tons of dad jokes lie ahead. The irate sergeant scrambled back up amid guffaws and barked, Those who laughed, get down and give me 20! A.J. Well, I, too, am a SEASONED Veteran! Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. It is always better to be down here wishing you were up there than up there wishing you were down here. Remember them the next time youre talking to a friend or family member that has served as a Marine because these jokes are bound to make them smile. Eat up! Altitude is life insurance. And we don't even wonder 'why' because one has to twiddle their thumbs one way or another. We know that there are hundreds and hundreds of military jokes out there. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? The pilot did all kinds of fancy manoeuvres, but not a word was heard. If you are travelling with more than one small child, pick your favourite, 15. It was sheer brilliance. Types of Rifles Every Shooter Should Know About, Rifle Vs. While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then My gunnery sergeant and I were inspecting a Marine training exercise when we spotted a second lieutenant ambling about. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. A joke told repeatedly at aviation industry conferences puts a man and a dog in an airplane. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. It was PRIVATE. When I was a Navy student pilot, I visited the home of a classmate. Why do members of the military often marry lovers from the foreign countries they were deployed in? These military jokes about the United States Air Force are a mixed bag. Whats the worst thing you could say to insult a Marine? After a few basic questions, I very gingerly asked, Did you ever kill anyone? To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. 13:30 comes and goes. Yes, she said. One stated they would love to work on a submarine. Yes, said the lieutenant. Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. His son had clearly focussed more on dividing rather than conquering. Six Triple Eight Film by Tyler Perry Is Coming to Netflix, Havana Syndrome Still a Mystery, but Foreign Involvement Unlikely, After a Storied Career, Paris Davis Is Finally Receiving His Medal of Honor, Here are 200 Remote Jobs for Veterans in 2023. Jokes about crayon eaters and narcissistic Air Force personnel will never get old, though. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Marines Say OOOOORAH! 5) The Franco-Prussian War ended in a stalemate and had to be settled by a winner-take-all game of backgammon played by the two countries prime ministers. Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). Another landing like that and I'll have enough parts for another one.". You would think that being a submarine captain would pay well, but Ive heard that they cant keep their heads above water. 11. And )second The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. As part of my Naval Reserve requirements at Emory University Dental School, I attended a talk about proper dental procedures following nuclear warfare. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. I was instructing new recruits when an officer entered my classroom to observe and report on my teaching style. When finally open guaranteed to spill everywhere, 60. Reluctantly, he showed it to me. SUB sandwiches! The ships operations officer entered the messdeck, his eyes bleary and at half-mast. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. This site contains affiliate links. The sergeant came in, grabbed a spoon, and took a taste. The Scouts at least have adult supervision. Civilian CASUAL TEES are not acceptable. Members of the U.S. Navy are known to be a pretty sarcastic bunch. Sure enough, a few weeks later, I lost my key. Rodrigues there? Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! Killed bin Laden. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. USMC: OHH! My husband is infantry, and he said the most wonderful things to convince me to marry him: The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing Humankind has a perfect record in aviation; we never left one up there. Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services?