Actually if you go off the Strip theres quite a few things to see and do around Vegas (also non-gambler here), desert hikes, assorted museums (notably neon art & the mob), and my personal favorite the Pinball Hall of Fame which has 100+ playable pinball machines (old and new). This is truly bizarre and worrying behavior on the husbands part. A person who wants to cheat will cheat even if the business trip is in Dayton, OH, or they will cheat even in their hometown. Is this the only thing he gets so on-edge about? Its possible, though, that he really is controlling. This is a man who is trying to actively sabotage her career. Also made me think about the impact TV can have on our beliefs about the world. Granted, the event I was at was for a Fortune 100 company but in addition to the hotel security, they had private security and company reps everywhere. My bf and I traveled for work constantly. OP, I believe that professional help figuring out what exactly is going on (including ruling in or ruling out a medical cause like primary anxiety or OCD) and getting professional treatment based on that, is the best first step for you here. That is not rational and that is not how business or marriages work. You are right! Willing to bet that OPs husband, regardless of whats behind his behavior, is one of those. Connect with your family and friends, and even try tomake new friends. My in-laws (who I no longer speak to) freaked out when my wife and I got our current apartment because they found out it was across the street from the best Mexican restaurant in our city. Of course, were all operating with limited info, and (lets be honest) a natural inclination to cme to the defense of an AAM reader/writer.. Maybe he has heightened anxiety. We can take care of ourselves. Theres some merit to this and the What happens in Vegas thing. husband doesn t want to go on family vacationguinness irish stew slow cooker. Eating a meal? But secondhand smoke doesnt have an opt-out. I just saw the news about the mass shooting in Vegas. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Id love to see a red flag exercise at Nellis AFB. Husband may be dealing with separation anxiety, and instead of communicating that, is using Las Vegas Group Black's collective includes Essence, The Shade Room and Naturally Curly. I hope he can get help and is able to recognize this about himself, since you say hes a great husband otherwise. My husband used to be pretty bad about my work trips, too. We strive to provide you with a high quality community experience. And there does seem to be a fair amount of misbehavior discussed, but I have never seen any of it. Is she free to travel then? And at the end of the day, it doesnt matter because every time, its about something that doesnt really have a right or wrong answer. I'm scheduled for a c-section on September 21st and although it's not that far away, it's definitely not as close as I would like it to be. Is this a relationship problem that could be remedied with counseling? Not all of the counties decided to legalize it, and as a result there is no legal prostitution in Las Vegas or Reno. Thanks! Interestingly, prostitution is a county-by-county decision in Nevada. Congratulations. I suspect that insecurity over her being the primary breadwinner has a lot to do with it (deeply ingrained social conceptions are still a thing). There is SO much more to Vegas than gambling, booze, and illicit sex. I dont understand giving up agency as an adult just because I got married. You can make decisions for yourself! The next obvious thing is, we all get to be as irrational as we want. I accidentally ended up at a naked sex drug party once, quite to my own embarrassment, but that was in Akron, Ohio. I go out of state to continuing education conferences, I dont know, once or twice a year. I wish this would have been the first comment because it frames the issue perfectly. OP take care of you first. We have friend who live in a neighborhood of Paris which Fox news publicized as a no go zone because of all those Muslims and Sharia Law and such. I might go if it were for a show I wanted to see that I couldnt attend anywhere else, or if I had to go for work. But general anxiety on this level is still causing them problems and will in future if he cant get it under control. Im sure he must have good qualities, but this isnt one of them. OP, I agree with the prior commenter who asked about your husbands travel experience. I dont see it as misogynist. Because setting some reasonable limits is part of that. Well the place was built by mobsters to skin the rubes in casinos . Updated on July 08, 2011. Agree with the advice for counseling. A difficult or stressful situation with in-laws can cause undue stress and anxiety, making you feel rejected and undervalued. He might be in some kind of internet echo chamber, like one of the misogynist subreddits, and all the guys in there told him Shes totes just going there to have sex with random dudes! because thats the way those corners of the internet are. The businesspeople in Las Vegas want to make money. The no Go Fish rule was not present in my home, but I was told to respect the kidss parents whod made that rule and abide by it around those kids, because the rule seemed a reasonable difference between my parents and theirs (rather than wholly bizarre). LW, my husband would be honestly fine with me going to Vegas. Por qu se separ Tania Rincn de su esposo? (Im glad to report that years later she is completely reasonable and sensible about these things and I love her dearly!). Married people travel for work all the time, even to cities with a greater-than-their-fair-share amount of vices around, and they typically behave responsibly and stay faithful. We were in that stage of "dating" where we wanted to do everything together, only he didn't fly and didn't really enjoy travel. Why do you feel this way?. She then decided to keep the baby's gender a secret until it was born. Either way, the poster is mimicking them in an exaggerated way in order to make them appear more foolish and unreasonable than they would if portrayed accurately. A year? Go on the trip, do not jeopardize that job, youll need it when you come to your senses and get rid of this guy. FYI: I mean crazy in a flippant sense not as an insult to any mental health issue. Then we went to Hoover Dam on a tour. Yeah, support common technique, but we dont know what we dont know, till we know it. Also accusing someone of cheating so you have to surveil them is right out of the abuser handbook. Leave the argument and do that as consistently as you can. They might be mad that they're not invited . Why? *offers you an internet hug*. You are not required to live it with someone who makes you miserable and is not willing to work on the problem. My husband got sent there on a business trip as well. OP, you should look at this exclusively as a problem your husband has, not a problem with work or the relationship. Twenty. When I go Im all about getting to as many different and awesome restaurants as humanly possible, and sitting by a pool with a book, when some of my friends go its about the nightlife, when my husband goes its about the sportsbook (this was my long way of saying that I agree with you). Its not like people are forced at gunpoint to have sex with a rando when they deplane at McCarran. I won money on a work trip to Vegas - do I have to donate it to my employer? I know that, but if I was in construction, or teaching, or something like that, maybe I wouldnt. Meaning they side with the wife on this one. Inviting him to go might be a stop-gap measure to cover this trip. I dated a guy like that! Unless OP has a history of partying hard and getting black-out drunk (which doesnt seem to be the case), I think theres little to worry about here. I think you know that all of his fears could happen to you (or be things youd do) wherever you live or any place you travel to. Vegas does business trips right. It really seems like your husband doesnt trust you, and as AAM said, that is a relationship problem. That would be buying in to his controlling behavior and it would be a bad move for their relationship. While I was away, he made me upset the whole time with his anxiety of what-ifs and what-nots. I couldnt be with someone this domineering and controlling. I am sitting in my car at the airport catching up on AAM before I get back to life and guess where I came from? But in that case Anxious Controlling Husband would worry the OP would leave him for a donkey, Nothing like a donkey show joke to class up a comment thread. Its adult Disneyland with spendy big-name restaurants, booze and slot machines, at this point. Create an account or log in to participate. And do not to the best of your ability get wrapped up or play into his anxieties, or irrational fears. Especially when those demands result in diminished opportunities. Somehow everyone turns into a sexual predator after dark. It's essential to show interest in the things your spouse enjoys, even if you don't share the same enthusiasm. I need you to stop doing that. (Im also concerned that hes collecting votes from his friends about whether to allow you to golike, wow, not only does he not trust you to make a decision, hes giving you a whole list of people who he apparently trusts more than you?) Its not you I dont trust, its other people.. Vegas isnt a magical dimension. Casinos are closely monitored and have security, and its a very touristy city, so I imagine there are a lot of people out and about at night (at least near the strip). Yeah, my cousin isnt allowed to travel without her husband. Yeah, this seems so over the top Im having trouble thinking its just about relationship issues. My mom too! Well, this might seem like an obvious question, but have you told him that you need him to stop talking to you about this? The difference is it wasnt that he didnt trust ME, or that he was worried about me getting drawn into some sinful situation. I HATED IT! Id do it again theres a mob museum and some other things Id like to see. But Id want OP to figure out a little more what this behavior of his is really about, and make sure its not his way of trying to control her / torpedo her career, before Id recommend she let him supervise her work trip. Im surprised that you specify *rural* Saudi Arabia given that Saudi Arabia is one of the least egalitarian countries in the world, with virtually no freedom of religion. I spent a lot of the day just wandering around the strip). 402 views, 5 likes, 0 loves, 0 comments, 0 shares, Facebook Watch Videos from Famosos: #TaniaRincn y su esposo iniciaron su amor con el pie izquierdo: su relacin no era perfecta. Whether hes choosing them consciously or not, hes certainly trying to use them as a weapon to manipulate his wife into doing what he wants. There are lots of places in the country where the approach the OP describes is perfectly normal, and where its a lot harder work to find somebody who disagrees. Casinos are some of the most secure and highly monitored public places you can go. There was a recent one with the same problem! Im so glad to see this response here. (Also worth mentioning: The ways weve developed the concept of masculinity in the US mean that many guys express anxious feelings as anger, so look out for that too.) Street photography! couch their controlling tendencies as worry and concern, because they know their victims will want to soothe and appease them, because they are just super nice worry-wart spouses who just really, truly, are so *concerned*. He can see how boring Vegas really is. I think its one of the things that makes our relationship so strong. In a healthy marriage, there is no spouse v. spouse, and theres room for career, hobbies, friends, etc. Give yourself permission tofeel hurt and angry. The reason companies go there is because theres big convention centers and lots of cheap flights. Period. But Im not lazy I just love my wife and after 8 yrs of marriage Im worried shes bored with me. I dont think Ive ever paid more than $200/night in Vegas, often much less even after the resort fees are tacked on. husband doesn t want to go on family vacation husband doesn t want to go on family vacation Im glad you left that loser. You get into a state of physical arousal (sweating, shaking, racing heart, fast breathing, etc) and it often gives you a screaming headache, roiling tummy, and makes you irritable and prone to tears. I wear a light, carry a phone, and stay in my neighborhood where I know whats normal and whats not til the sun goes up. Its important to you, and take not unreasonable that your employer would want you to go, nor is it an unreasonable place to go. OP, this is HIS issue, not yours. We did a family vacation to Vegas about six years ago (were about a 4-5 hour drive away). I actually took my husband with me once and he went off on his own while I worked all day. If he balks or outright refuses, then that might be a signal that theyre in abusive territory and LW should consider solo counseling to decide how best to handle it. The counseling would then help them sort out their individual issues as well as provide them tools to handle the communitys judgment as well. Its not bad practice to not accept food or drink from strangers, or let your drink out of your sight at a bar, but Id worry about those things much less in Las Vegas than in a local bar. Dont answer the phone? But, OP, please take a hard look at your husband and his normal conduct. Vegas skeezy rep is about 50 years out of date at this point. Nothing magical about Vegas. I have informed him and he hasnt taken it very well. We actually started in couples counseling and it was working through that process that convinced him to go to individual counseling and go on medication. Then everyone is sober. IMO once you start catering to this kind of thing, it does not ever get better. I'd hate for you to miss out because of the trip! I remember being like, What would I even DO with all this space? ha! If your husband is otherwise kind and reasonable, its important to know that this is a very unusual stance for a spouse to take, so Im glad youre taking it seriously. I wanted to get tickets for a show, but it was sold out. People dont completely change upon touchdown in Vegas. I had a meeting at a school outside of the city and a friend was shocked that there are elementary schools there. I hope you can get some work done despite your husbands interference while you are gone. I don't think it won't be that bad though. Echoing this. He doesnt get to say you cant do anything. Indifference. My own husband went to Vegas for a conference a few years ago. Because this thing where he insults the moral character of his beloved wife based on the fact that she needs to travel for work? I thought my mom was the only one like this. Dont let his fear poison that for you, it wont end well for your happiness or well being. That sounds more like a problem with the type of people your employer has hired, as opposed to being a problem with Vegas. I agree with the counseling suggestion. Thats fine! Ive had several week-long business trips in CA the last few years and its a non-event. So best case scenario, youre stifling your opportunity for growth. A little bit, mostly to servers who thought I might be lonely and often came over to chat while I was having dinner. This reminds me of when I studied abroad in London and my mom warned me about people like Jack the Ripper. That may be an overreaction, but something clearly isnt working between you two, and he sounds emotionally abusive. Well discuss, compromise, agree to disagree, but I do NOT need permission. So I understand, at some level, where the husband is coming from when he thinks about these horrible things happening to his spouse. Scheduled calls keep him more relaxed. Disordered anxiety changes shape to fit inside whatever container is available, which might be infidelity or kidnapping or alien abduction. I mean, she could get kidnapped! I say go for it! I do the same. 27 Family Vacation Ideas for a Trip They'll Never Forget But to throw the baby out with the bath water is beyond ridiculous. I cant speak for anyone but IMHO a little travel, twice a year or so is fine and take your spouse if you can but this several overnights monthly is not what I signed up for. Best of luck to you, LW. Ive never gone to a weddings and heard vows that included I promise to love, honor, cherish, and ask your permission before I leave the house. Ive only been to Vegas twice. Me too!.which is probably why Im not married ;). But itseems like they want totake things slowly. In most normal partnerships where you have shared responsibilities its not so much asking permission, as its checking in to make sure spouse doesnt need you For anything at that time. Exactly this. He can be kind of inflexible about certain things so the fact that this is 180 degrees from where it was should give you hope. (In 1989 there was 24-hour keno in practically every restaurant.). Cuz he was awesome.). Yup, wholeheartedly agree. Case in point: my father is terrified of everyone he loves dying and leaving him alone, to the point where I, as a 32 year old, was expected to text him and let him know when I left work, when I got home from work, if I was going out, if I was changing locations, etc. Most of them. From the outside, his train of thought is totally irrational. All rights reserved. One of the most important things I learned in therapy is that even though my feelings are real, they are not reasonable and not helpful, so its not appropriate to expect others to change their behavior to accommodate them. Like fposte said the husband would only mention his friends opinions if it supported his own. If I wanted to put on pants and walk across the casino I would just eat at a casino floor restaurant instead of ordering deliverywhich Im sure explains their policy more than security concerns! There are so many things that could be gong on here. Ill throw this out too just in case. Im handling it by biting the dog that bit me and hes not happy. Learn more about, Twins & Multiples: Your Tentative Time Table. If a person has surrounded themselves with a bunch of people that thinks its normal for one spouse to tell the other what they are/arent allowed to do, thats a beyond red flag. Just live in an exurb of a big city rather than a small town), they find this baffling. Its just easier to non-committally agree with someone, especially when their view is bananas, than to get into a row with them and get involved in their marital issues. Take the same approach; its a problem affecting you both that you both want to fix. A good couples counselor who can handle the individual issues after using the couple-relationship to establish a good rapport with an individual who is resistant to treatment in a traditional one-on-one setting is not a bad way to start tackling these issues, and has the added bonus of giving the OP an opportunity to select a therapist she trusts. Usually these things build up over time and abusive relationships (even if not intentionally abusive even if the partner really does have anxiety or whatever and is not TRYING to be controlling!)
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